


for the last time: i love you

by oathsworn (onelastchence)



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, there're other characters but they're mostly minor-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 07:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11179554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onelastchence/pseuds/oathsworn
Summary: Sungu feels something tickling his throat when he goes to China for the first time. He thinks it's just a normal itch, but those are petals he's coughing up.





	for the last time: i love you

**Author's Note:**

> _Hanahakibyou_ : The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.
> 
> Thank you to Angel for beta-ing (and yelling about the lack of Blanktara)! ❤

Lying on the hospital bed while his anesthetist prepares his dose, Sungu wonders if there’s an otherworldly being out there that he might have accidentally offended.

 

When he had first fallen in love with Han Wangho, years ago, he hadn’t known that there was a disease that would stem from it. _Hanahakibyou_.

 

He had first seen Wangho when he was playing on Najin. The boy had been tiny and his plays had been subpar, but Sungu had been enamoured. He had gone to the fanmeets after the games and met Wangho, spoken with him and given him gifts. As a jungle main, he had watched match after match, game after game, to watch his pathing. It was nothing spectacular, admittedly, but it was special to Sungu.

 

He’d turned down the offer from SKT and decided to go to the LSPL with Yeujin, deciding to start his pro-gaming career away from his home country. It was a couple of months into his stint in China, with poor results and homesickness that the first petals came.

 

He had been frightened of out of his wits when he’d first started coughing up the petals. They often got stuck in his throat, tickling it, and he would cough until his throat was raw. Yeujin hyung was his only comfort in a foreign country, holding onto his hand tight when he was bent over the trashcan, tears prickling at his eyes.

 

His results were poor to say the least. Neither he nor Yeujin had good results, and they jumped from one team to the other with no change in that department.

 

“Hey hyung,” Sungu asks, turning to look at Yeujin. “Do you think we should go back to Korea?”

 

Yeujin looks at him for a long time, silent, and Sungu wonders if he’s gone a step too far. But Yeujin sighs and nods. “I think so too. Our contracts end at the end of the year. It’s time we go home.”

 

Sungu smiles in relief and moves over to wrap his arms around Yeujin. “Thank you, hyung.”

 

“Gross,” Yeujin teases, flicking him on the head. Sungu tightens his grip on Yeujin in revenge and they end up just staying like that, talking about nonsensical things and eventually falling asleep in the same position.

 

They leave China behind. Sungu contacts coach Junggyun to see if he could still get onto SKT, perhaps as a trainee. He’s taken in immediately, Sungung unable to keep up with the current meta. It’s painful and grueling training, so much stricter than in China. The fans are harsher, too, and Sungu finds himself constantly near tears.

 

It’s difficult. He’s not producing the results that SKT needs. Nowhere near, in fact. His results are poor and people are calling for Bengi to come back, to kick him off the team. He knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t help but read the community’s comments on him, and it leaves him breathless, literally, gasping and choking on his tears.

 

The flowers haven’t lessened, and it’s one more thing for him to worry about. He hasn’t told anyone on the team about his condition, but Sanghyeok finds him bent over the toilet bowl one night, gagging on flower petals. He tries to hide it but another bout of petals surge up his throat and he chokes again, trying his best to hack the flower petals up.

 

“You have _hanahakibyou_ ,” Sanghyeok observes, calm as always. Sungu looks up at him, surprised that he even knows the disease that he has. “Have you told the staff?”

 

Sungu looks down in shame and Sanghyeok sighs, leaning against the sink. “How serious is your condition?”

 

“It’s been about eight months or so,” Sungu says, coughing to clear his throat and make sure that there aren’t any petals left. “I don’t know how serious it is. The petals come once every couple of days, so I should be fine.”

 

“At least get it checked out,” Sanghyeok replies, frowning. “You mean you’ve never gone to see anyone about this?”

 

“It’s not curable,” Sungu sighs. “If you know what _hanahakibyou_ is, you should know that too. Nothing can alleviate it, either. I don’t- I don’t want to go for the surgery unless I absolutely have to.”

 

Sanghyeok stares at him for a while before sighing himself. He ruffles Sungu’s hair and says, “At least tell me if you need any help, okay? Don’t take everything onto yourself.”

 

Sungu smiles gratefully. “Thank you, hyung. And- And if you don’t mind me asking, how did you know what I have?”

 

His midlaner freezes and Sungu wonders if he’s gone out of line. He starts to stammer apologies before Sanghyeok shakes his head. “I had it before,” He answers, voice quiet. He tugs his shirt up, revealing his torso and the healed stitches from his own operation. “Now I don’t.”

 

Sungu doesn’t dare say anything after that, keeping his head down when Sanghyeok walks out.

 

IEM Katowice comes and goes, and it’s the first championship title that he’s ever earned for himself. Sungu can’t stop looking at the cup when they take it back with them, the grin on his face wide. Jaewan puts his arm around his shoulders and Sungu beams up at him.

 

When he gets back to Korea, they manage to turn their poor play around and start climbing the ranks again. He catches quick glimpses of Wangho when he exits the studio as the ROX Tigers enter. Junsik and Jaewan always stop to catch up with Jongin and Bumhyeon, and sometimes Hoseong will shoot his silly smile and speak to Wangho.

 

It makes Sungu’s chest ache with want.

 

He starts coughing petals up on one such occasion and panics. Sanghyeok immediately darts to his side to lead him to the restroom where he spends the next ten minutes. They didn’t close the door to the bathroom stall - it would’ve been suspicious, since Sanghyeok was inside the stall with him, patting his back in a fruitless attempt to help.

 

It’s then that Bumhyeon walks in, when Sungu’s managed to get the last of the petals out of his throat. His eyes lock on the flower petals, then flicker up to Sungu’s ashen face. “Petunias,” He comments lightly, washing his hands at the sink. “Anger and resentment.”

 

Sungu gets up from where he’s kneeling to wash his face, getting his fringe wet as well. “You know the language of flowers?” He asks Bumhyeon.

 

“I do,” Bumhyeon answers. “I also know _hanahakibyou_ is fatal.” He stares levelly at Sungu. “The both of you know what you’re doing?”

 

Sanghyeok raises an eyebrow at Bumhyeon and he inclines his head in acknowledgement. Even though he had never told anyone about his own bout of the disease, Sanghyeok knows that Bumhyeon has a sixth sense stronger than anyone else’s. It’s no surprise that he would have figured out his struggle last year.

 

He walks out of the bathroom with a small smile and Sanghyeok sighs. “Ready to go?” He asks Sungu. Sungu nods and they exit the restroom just as the two teams part ways. Sungu cranes his head to see Wangho smile before he walks through the studio door and out of sight.

 

Spring split comes and goes. They win the LCK Championship, and it’s Sungu’s first. If he were to be honest with himself, he never expected to be able to win one when he first started his career. He lifts the cup, elated, and pushes all other thoughts out of his mind.

 

Tonight, he’s a champion.

 

He flies to China for MSI. It brings back memories, really, of his time in the LSPL. Shiyu is still the same older brother figure he looks up to, and China is the same as it always has been. It’s crowded, the fans are hyped, and the food is spicy.

 

Sungu wonders if Wangho would like China.

 

MSI is difficult. They lose game after game, only barely making it into the bracket stage as 4th seed. The comments that he’s a bad player are back. He knows better than to read them by now - the team had hired a sports psychologist for him to help him get over his nerves on stage and how to deal with negative comments - but he knows they’re there. How could they not be, after all?

 

But they make it. They win the semifinals and they win the finals, and soon he’s lifting up that MSI Championship trophy alongside his team.

 

_His team._

 

He’s so caught up in the tournament that he doesn’t realize that he hasn’t had to rush to the bathroom to throw petals up since they arrived until Sanghyeok tells him this fact.

 

“I- I haven’t?” He asks, eyes widening. Sanghyeok gives him a _look_ and Sungu thinks back to when they touched down in China and the week before that, realization dawning on him.

 

Sanghyeok smirks and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Congratulations, kid.”

 

He rushes to Jaewan and after a bit of aegyo manages to get Bumhyeon’s number from him. He wonders if he’s asking the wrong person, but he doesn’t want to confess without getting confirmation from someone close to Wangho and risk having his hopes trampled.

 

The conversation with Bumhyeon on kakaotalk is awkward, to say the least. There’s mischief in every reply that Bumhyeon shoots back and Sungu can tell that he’s playing with him by withholding the information that he craves. It takes a lot of wheedling before Bumhyeon finally tells him that Wangho hasn’t been able to stop talking about him.

 

Sungu lies on his bed in the hotel room, starfishing and staring up at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face. Sanghyeok had asked to be his roommate to help keep his secret - one that didn’t have to be kept after all, since he was cured. He takes one look at the expression on Sungu’s face and smacks his face with a pillow.

 

Sungu splutters, indignant, but he’s too happy to be mad. Plus, how could he be mad at Sanghyeok, of all people, who had helped him out when he had no one else?

 

He’s in a daze the whole way back to Korea. While everyone’s tired out from travelling and starting to pack up to go back home for a few days of rest, Sungu’s bouncing from one room to another in excitement. Everyone stares at him with varying degrees of surprise when he takes a quick shower and runs out the door with a wave.

 

He stops short when he gets to the lifts, realizing he doesn’t know that address of the ROX dormitory. Rushing back, he shakes Junsik’s arm until he gives in and gives it to him, grumbling the whole time. He hugs him briefly, to which Junsik makes a noise, and runs off again.

 

Hopping into a taxi, Sungu takes a deep breath to calm himself. Even though he knows that his feelings are requited, he can’t be sure that Wangho will accept his confession. It’s a terrifying prospect, confessing, but Sungu _has_ to try.

 

His heart is pounding, his hands shaking, but he raises one to press the doorbell. Their manager is the one to open the door, and Sungu falters because he has no idea what her name is. “I’m, uhm, here to see Wangho?” He says, cringing at how awkward he sounds.

 

“Sejin noona, who’s there?” A familiar voice says as Wangho rounds the corner. He stops short when he sees Sungu in the doorway. Sejin’s eyes dart from Sungu’s stunned face to Wangho’s flustered one and slides away with a quick wink.

 

“Come in I guess?” Wangho stammers, moving back and allowing Sungu to enter. The cool breeze of air conditioning is refreshing and Sungu smiles at Wangho.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“No problem…”

 

“So, uh, I actually came here to tell you something,” Sungu starts, swallowing.

 

Wangho freezes in his place, eyes wide with something akin to fear. Sungu wants to comfort him and tell him that it’s okay, but he really has no idea why Wangho is clamming up.

 

“I like you.”

 

Wangho’s jaw drops.

 

Sungu feels naked, vulnerable, standing in front of the boy that he had fallen in love with months ago. He wants to flee, wants to run away and hide under a rock and never emerge. But he also thinks to all the times he’s choked on petals in a desperate attempt to get them out of his throat because of his feelings for Wangho and stands his ground.

 

“I- Who- What?”

 

“I like you,” Sungu repeats, voice quivering slightly.

 

Wangho stays silent, just staring up at Sungu’s face. Sungu fidgets, starting to get uncomfortable. He’s not sure what he expected Wangho’s response to be when he confessed, but this wasn’t it.

 

“I, uh. I guess I’ll just. Go,” He says, crestfallen. He gives Wangho a nod and turns to leave.

 

Arms wrap around his midsection and Sungu stiffens. “Don’t go,” He hears Wangho say, voice a little choked up. “I like you, too.”

 

Sungu spins around so quickly he almost loses his balance. Wangho’s face is tinged pink, and he’s wringing his hands nervously. Sungu puts his hand on Wangho’s shoulder and his face snaps up. “May I kiss you?” He asks, quietly.

 

Wangho nods slowly. Sungu tries not to panic since he’s never kissed anyone before, but he finds he wants to kiss Wangho, wants to know what his lips will feel against his own. He leans down to press his lips against Wangho’s, trembling slightly.

 

“ _Finally_!”

 

They jump apart at the exclamation, but Sungu feels a little giddy at the way Wangho latches onto his arm. “Kyungho hyung!” Wangho whines, ducking behind Sungu to hide his face.

 

“Look, boy, you weren’t the one who had to sit through hours of your babbling,” Kyungho rolls his eyes. “I’m so fucking glad you guys are together now. Please get a room.”

 

He disappears up the stairs, but Sungu only has eyes for Wangho. “You babbled about me?” He asks, grinning widely.

 

Wangho hits him, keeping his silence, and Sungu laughs. “It’s okay,” He says. “I think it’s cute. And really flattering, actually.”

 

“I like you,” Wangho mumbles. “I didn’t know if you even knew I existed, so I had no other outlet, you know?”

 

Sungu leans down to kiss him again, fond beyond belief.

 

His time with Wangho is everything he could have hoped for. They have their ups and downs: Being on two teams that are considered to be rivals leads to them going head to head more times than Sungu would like, but before he is Wangho’s boyfriend, he is SKT Blank. Anything less than perfection was considered a failure.

 

They lose Summer, and even though Sungu is happy to see Wangho’s smile and happiness from lifting the LCK Championship Cup, he can’t help but feel upset with himself. If he had just done a little more, if he had just practiced a couple of hours longer, maybe then, just maybe, that cup would be theirs.

 

He doesn’t dwell on it for long. It’s disappointing, but the World Championship is looming. He needs to practice.

 

He still gets days off, though, and he spends those with Wangho. Sometimes they go to cafes, sometimes they go to the arcade and blow a tens of thousands of won on tokens, sometimes they go to the karaoke. They’re teenagers, still, young adults who have money and nothing to do with it, and they have fun.

 

He likes being with Wangho. He likes holding Wangho close, likes to hold his hand when they’re in private, likes to kiss his cheek to see him blush. Being with Wangho makes him feel like he’s the luckiest person on the planet. That happiness bubbles within him and Sungu can’t help but beam widely everything he locks eyes with his boyfriend.

 

The World Championship is the first time Wangho’s ever been on a plane. He sits with his team, of course, but Sungu walks by multiple times to check on him on the pretence of going to the bathroom. He does this so many times that Seohaeng, who’s sitting beside Wangho, hands him a napkin on his way back.

 

 _Stop coming by, it’s freaking me out._ The napkin says. _He’ll be fine, he sleeps like a baby. Also he said your name in his sleep, so take that as blackmail material and tell him it’s from me._

 

Sungu giggles to himself in his seat, Junsik giving him a weird look. He doesn’t care though, deep in his own thoughts. And anyways, Junsik gives everybody weird looks.

 

The group stages come and go, and they make it out of their group as first seed. Sungu enjoys the huge portions that American food is served in, and he enjoys wandering around America with Wangho. It’s not secret that SKT and ROX are close friends, and they end up together most of the time. It gives Sungu and Wangho time to spend with each other that they wouldn’t otherwise have.

 

The bracket draw sucks.

 

They play each other in the semifinals. He loses every game he plays but ROX falls to his team in the end. He doesn’t feel good about his performance, but at least they made it to the finals. He congratulates his members and they ruffle his hair, telling him that he did well, too.

 

He hugs Wangho when he stumbles off the stage into his arms, whining. Sungu leads them to a side where it’s less likely the staff will notice them and pecks his forehead. “You did well,” He says. “I’m sorry.”

 

“I didn’t do as well as I could have,” Wangho replies, voice cracking. Sungu startles, lifting Wangho’s head up to see him crying. He wipes them away with his thumbs, not knowing what to say.

 

“Don’t cry,” He gets out. He hates seeing Wangho so visibly upset. “Please don’t cry, Wangho-ya.”

 

Wangho shakes his head and walks away from him. Sungu watches him go, helpless.

 

They win the World Championships. He’s a World Champion, Sungu thinks. He’s made it this far, from the LSPL to SKT to a World Champion. He lifts the cup and rejoices, because in this moment, nothing can take that away from him.

 

The off season transfer period takes Sungung and Hoseong away from him, but gives Seunghoon, Haneul and _Wangho._

 

He’d known that ROX was on the verge of collapse. Wangho had come to him multiple times during the off season, leaving Seoul and taking the train to Daejeon to get away from it all. Sungu helps Wangho pack when he moves out of the ROX dormitory and into the SKT one.

 

Being on the same team as Wangho is surreal. They share a room, too, albeit with Haneul, who likes to make fun of their relationship and tease them whenever he can. He always leaves when they want some time alone, though, going about the house and finding other members to make fun of.

 

Other than that, he gets to spend almost every waking moment with Wangho, and Sungu can’t think of anything better than that. He gets to see Wangho’s bed head when he wakes up, gets to hear him make weird noises in his sleep, gets to see him laugh. He can turn his head and see his boyfriend when they’re in the training room, and for Sungu, who lived apart from Wangho the past year, this isn’t something that he could ever have thought would come true.

 

They share the same role, and Sungu is often benched for Wangho. He knows that this is what coach Junggyun does. Wangho has raw talent that hasn’t been honed to perfection yet, and the short amount of time they had together as a team isn’t enough to assimilate him into the way that SKT plays yet - largely around the midlane and less around Wangho himself.

 

Wangho has his ups and downs, and Sungu is subbed in for him whenever Wangho’s isn’t feeling his best. It’s the only time he gets to play and so Sungu cherishes every game that he’s given.

 

Nothing can ruin this for him, Sungu thinks when they win Spring split again. He doesn’t have as big a role in winning this for them, but it’s something. He lifts the cup when Junsik asks him to take it, grinning widely at their win.

 

_Nothing can ruin this for him._

 

Except, two weeks later, when they’re in Germany for their layover, Sungu feels something tickling his throat.

 

He passes it off as an itchy throat, but it gets itchier and he’s getting nauseous. He quickly excuses himself to go to the restroom and locks himself in the toilet stall. He feels something coming up his throat and tries to will it to go down, but it comes up anyways, petunia petals floating on the surface of the water once he’s done.

 

Sungu stares at them, shellshock. He collapses, leaning against the wall, hugging his knees close to his chest as he cries.

 

Wangho didn’t love him anymore.

 

When he leaves the restroom, his face is pale enough to warrant concern from his teammates. Sungu shakes them off with a small smile since none of them had known before that he had _hanahakibyou_ and it wouldn’t do to alarm them now.

 

“Are you really okay?” Sanghyeok asks when they’re getting ready to board the plane. Sungu looks up at him, then puts his hand in his pocket to retrieve the one petal that he had picked up and washed. He opens his fist and Sanghyeok jolts, looking at him in shock. Sungu smiles sadly and puts the petal back into his pocket, running forward to lock arms with Seunghoon and demand to sit with him.

 

He can feel Sanghyeok’s gaze on him the entire time they’re boarding the plane, and even when they’re on the plane getting settled in for their long flight Sungu can still feel the weight of Sanghyeok’s gaze.

 

“Hyung,” He says, spinning around in his seat and plastering a fake grin on his face. “Stop staring at me, you’re going to burn a hole through me.”

 

Wangho glances at Sanghyeok from where he’s sitting next to him. He nudges Sanghyeok. “Stop staring at my boyfriend,” He says, frowning.

 

Sanghyeok glares at Wangho so fiercely that Wangho recoils, eyes darting between Sanghyeok and Sungu. The crease between his eyes lessens when Sungu blows him an exaggerated kiss, and soon he’s laughing again.

 

Sungu relaxes back in his seat, closing his eyes. He feels like he’s back in China all over again, fear consuming him. What are the chances of Wangho falling back in love with him? What do you do when your significant other falls out of love with you?

 

He forces himself to push those thoughts out of his mind. For now, all he was going to concentrate on was MSI. He’d think about his options after the tournament.

 

The tournament goes by and Sungu doesn’t play a single game. He wonders, as he walks up to the stage, if this is what went through Sungung’s mind last year. He receives the medal with a smile and a handshake from Ronaldo and his mind starts to run wild.

 

It’s the end of the tournament.

 

This time last year, he was anxious to return back to Korea because it’s when he realized that Wangho returned his feelings. Now, he doesn’t want to go back, because it means coming to terms with the fact that Wangho had fallen out of love with him.

 

The flight back is quiet. Or, well, quiet by SKT standards. Sungu doesn’t join in the ruckus for once, claiming to not be feeling well - which wasn’t far from the truth, really. He was dying, after all, unless he chooses to go for the surgery.

 

“Hyung,” He says, going up to Sanghyeok the day after they land in Korea. “I want to go for the surgery.”

 

Sanghyeok looks at him with the saddest gaze he’s ever seen. Not even when they lost game after game in the Spring of 2016. Not even when they almost got eliminated in the group stages of MSI last year. Not even when they didn’t make it to the finals in Summer. “I’ll contact my doctor for you.”

 

“Thank you, hyung,” Sungu says, grateful.

 

Sanghyeok shakes his head. “I’d much rather to never have had to help you.”

 

Sungu shrugs helplessly, wearing a wry smile on his face. “It can’t be helped, hyung.”

 

He gets checked into the hospital with Sanghyeok and Yeujin’s help, keeping it a secret from everyone else. He’s scared, but Sanghyeok’s grip on his hand is helping. “It’ll be okay,” He comforts, ruffling Sungu’s hair. “You’ll go to sleep, and when you wake up everything will be gone.”

 

“Okay, hyung,” He says, trembling. “Thank you. Both of you.”

 

“We’ll be waiting, Sungu-ya,” Yeujin says, face grim. It’s so very unlike him that Sungu cracks a dad joke and he makes a disgusted face. Sanghyeok’s chortling, humour so very much like his own.

 

“Ready to go?” The nurse asks, popping her head into the room. Sungu nods and Yeujin and Sanghyeok can only watch as Sungu is wheeled away.

 

“Will he really be okay?” Yeujin asks Sanghyeok when Sungu is out of sight.

 

Sanghyeok stares at the entryway Sungu had disappeared through and sighs. “As much as he’ll ever be.”

 

Lying on the hospital bed while his anesthetist was preparing his dose, Sungu wonders if there’s an otherworldly being out there that he might have accidentally offended.

 

And yet, there’s really nothing that he can do about it now. When he wakes up, he won’t be throwing up petals anymore, but he also won’t be in love with Wangho anymore. When he wakes up, it won’t hurt anymore.

 

Sungu watches as the anesthetist gives him a comforting smile and injects the anesthetic into his arm. It’s fast, and Sungu’s eyelids are getting heavy.

 

 _For the last time_ , Sungu thinks before he loses consciousness. _I love you, Wangho-ya._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the fic! Kudos and comments make me a happy writer!


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